Musical Madness
by JacklyinKarst
Summary: Crack Fics! A house for YJ style Musicals! Update: WHen Jason and Tim go to visit some of their father's friends in prison they get a whole lot more then they asked for! Cell Block Tango! Co-Written by PaintingFlowers13. Nothing Owned by us.
1. Gee Officer Krupke

**Hey Guys! So this is a little break for me from my multi-chapter stories that PaintingFlowers13 and I came up with this while walking our dogs! So, while Officer Krupke is awesome, Mister Red Arrow is (I hope) better! Anyways, enjoy, and tell me what you thought in a review or PM! :D**

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Conner Kent cursed as he felt his right leg trip the wire that set off the blaring alarms. His friends, the other people robbing the jewelry store sent him a harsh glare. He rolled his eyes at them, smashed his fist through the glass, grabbed all he could hold, and the six of them sprinted out of the shop. Kaldur Ahm, the eldest of their little band of miscreants led the way down a dark alley. They pressed their backs to the wall and stuffed their stolen goods into their pockets while police cars blurred past them. Once they were out of sight, the teenagers ran from their alley and started walking casually down the street.

"Nice going meat head. Now we're going to have to dodge the cops for a while!" Wally West complained. Conner growled at him and Kaldur stepped in between them.

"It is done. What did we manage to get away with?"

"I got everything in my case!" Megan Morse said happily. Conner doubted that, but gave her a grateful smile. "What did you get Dick?"

"I got three diamond necklaces, an emerald bracelet and some gold earrings." Dick Greyson cackled. "Con?"

"I got two fistfuls of jewelry. What'd you get Fleet Feet?" Conner asked gruffly.

"A case of earrings, some weird looking bracelets and a few necklaces. Kaldur?"

"I grabbed the case full of birthstone jewelry. Artemis what did you manage to get?" Artemis Crock smirked proudly, and started to strut a bit down the street.

"While you geniuses were wasting time with the shiny stuff, I went for the cash register and safe." She said smugly. Dick high-fived her, and Wally groaned.

"Great. Now we get to hear about how Arty is such a better thief." He complained. "Just like last time."

"Hey last time, I stole almost a thousand bucks!" Artemis protested.

"Yeah, but then when we went to hit Wayne Manor, you got lost and we found you crying in a corner by yourself!" Wally smirked. It was a bit of a cheap shot, since Artemis had been attacked by Wayne's dog and she was already terrified of the creatures, but no one called him out on it.

"I- Well you…. Don't call me Arty!" Artemis muttered, falling back into a normal walk. Kaldur slipped one of his hands into hers and squeezed it comfortingly. She smiled back at her almost big brother and her confidant smirk returned.

"Alright. Let's see what we got!" Dick said with a grin. They had turned into a deserted alley way and started unloading their ill-gotten gains. As soon as the jewels were out of their pockets, several red arrows came whizzing out of nowhere, pinning Artemis, Kaldur, Conner and Megan to the wall. Another two arrows exploded into a net, trapping Dick and Wally.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my favorite group of juvenile delinquents. Give me one good reason not to drag you down to GCPD and leave you there all tied up." Red Arrow sneered, leaping down from a roof top. He hit the ground and waited for them to get out of their binds. They always did, and it was pointless to try and stop them. Conner broke the arrows holding him and then simply slipped off the stumps and then went to free Kaldur while Megan slid out of her jacket as though it was intangible, and freed Artemis. Dick and Wally merely cut the net with their pocket knives. The six gang members faced down the newest member of the Justice League with angry glares. While the other five went for their weapons, Kaldur shook his head.

"Maneuver seven." He whispered. The glares quickly faded into eager grins of anticipation. Wally stepped forward, and sunk onto on knee.

**Dear not-so-kind Red Arrow,  
You gotta understand!  
It's just our situations, we let get outta hand**

Wally sung. Red Arrow's face darkened in annoyance. Dick and Artemis stepped forward together.

**My mother is a crippled**

She sung, before Dick vaulted onto her shoulders and continued, motioning at himself and Wally.

**Our parents all are dead!  
Ob-vi-ous-ly we're wanted by the feds!**

While the ex-sidekick of Green Arrow was focused on the three singing psychotics, Megan crept up behind him and knocked his feet out from under him. The hero was forced to roll away from Conner's downward punch while the entire group started to sing.

**Gee, mister Red Arrow, we're really insane!  
we've been training all our lives an' it's really a pain!  
We ain't no delinquent's, we're misunderstood!  
Deep down inside us, there is good! **

Kaldur, Conner and Megan took over for the moment, while Dick and Wally focused on attacking Red Arrow and Artemis went about snatching some of his arrows every time he got too close to her.

**There is good, there is good  
There is unused good  
Like inside, the worst of us is good!**

"That's a lovely story." Red deadpanned, taking a swing at Wally, who easily weaved out of the way.

"Can I tell it to the world?" The red headed thief asked hopefully.

"Just tell it to Batman." Red Arrow smirked as Gotham's protector swooped down from the rooftops.

"What. Is going on here." He demanded to know. The teens, who were momentarily struck dumb by the Dark Knight's sudden appearance, allowed themselves to be securely tied up by Red.

"These are the punks who broke into Wayne Manor a few weeks ago. The ones who travel from city to city stealing from anyone and everyone they can. I've been tracking them for months." Red explained, folding his arms over his chest.

"What do you have to say for yourselves?" Batman asked, looking at Conner. Kaldur answered him, and impish grin on his normally stoic face

**Dear kindly Dark Knight, Batman  
Our parents hate our guts!**

Conner took over, scowling at the ground and his voice leaking the hurt he actually felt from his father's cruel treatment.

**With all my anger issues,  
He treats me like a mutt**

After giving Conner a comforting squeeze on the hand, Megan kept it going while Dick cackled at seemingly nothing and smiled creepily at Red Arrow.

**They didn't want to have me  
but somehow I was had  
Scary Martians, that's why we're so bad**

Batman looked curiously at the children before turning his glare over to the invading hero.

Riiiiiiiight.  
Mister Red Arrow, you're really a square  
These kids don't need a bat, they need Canary's care  
It's just their daddy issues that need to be curbed

Batman chose that moment to look over where Dick was still laughing quietly to himself and smiling like a clown.  
But he's psychologically distoibed!

"I'm distoibed! Wait when did we end up in Boston?" Dick yelled happily. Artemis rolled her eyes.  
"No clue. Just roll with it" Dick shrugged and the entire group began to sing again.

**We're disturbed, we're disturbed,  
We're the most disturbed,  
Like we're all psychologically disturbed!**

"Take them to Arkam Asylum. Black Canary is working their part time as a shrink. She'll be able to sort them out." Batman said and watched as Red Arrow escorted the gang into a police van and head up to Arkam.

"So if we're disturbed, does that mean the rest of the world is turbed?" Dick asked as they travelled, earing himself a sharp whack on the head from Red Arrow.  
"Oh shut up." Wally snapped. He really hated it when Dick tried to be clever like that. When they got to Arkam, it was decided that because it was cheaper and less time consuming, it was going to be a group therapy. They were let in straight away, and the delinquents wasted no time in making themselves comfortable on Canary's couch, desk and chairs. She coughed once, then started the questions.

"Tell me about your families." She said. Kaldur started off.

**My father is a villain, my mother is obscure**

Wally jumped off the chair he was lounging in and landed on Kaldur's lap.

**My grandpa is a speedster, my grandma is a cur**

He sighed. Artemis, who was already sitting beside Kal, shoved the ginger onto the floor and propped her legs up on the dark skinned boy.

**My sister wears a cat mask, my boyfriend's made of ice  
Goodness gracious, that's why I'm not nice!**

Canary's eyes widened before she realized there was really nothing she could do to help these kids. She didn't want them to end up in Arkam though, so she went with plan Wonder Woman and Superman.

Yes, Mister Red Arrow, this isn't too awful.  
These kids don't need a cell, they need a good role model.  
Society's played them, a terrible trick

This was when Wally decided that it was a good time to jump on Red Arrow's shoulders and send them both crashing to the floor, with Wally laughing manically.

And sociologically, he's sick!

Canary added with a sigh.

**I am sick!**

Megan cheered, with the others echoing her.

**We are sick, we are sick,  
We are sick, sick, sick  
Like we're sociologically sick!**

"Besides, I believe juvenile delinquency is merely a social disease." Canary explained. Wally turned to Artemis wearing an idiotic expression.

"You hear that? I have a social disease!" The blonde smacked him on the back of the head at the same time as Red Arrow. Canary groaned and quickly arranged for a Zeta Beam to take the six and Red Arrow down to the Hall of Justice so they could meet up with Superman and Wonder Woman. When the group got there, Dick immediately slipped out of Red Arrow's grasp and latched onto Wonder Woman's leg.

**Dear, kindly Wonder Woman  
They tell us get a job  
I'd be a boring waiter,  
But then I'd want to sob**

Megan, who was always felt alienated from the rest of society until she met the others, picked up.

**It's not I'm anti-people  
I'm only anti-earth  
Ser-i-ous-ly that's why we are jerks!**

While the two most adorable member of their trope distracted the senior League members, Conner and Artemis bothered Roy and the other two set about snatching everything they could fit into their coat pockets. Superman took one look at the mayhem the six kids were able to cause and started screaming at poor Red Arrow.

Urk! Mister Red Arrow!  
You've done it again!  
These kids don't need us,  
They need to be put on a bus!  
It's not just a question of misunderstood!  
Deep down inside them, their no good!

He berated. The teens, grinned wildly and took the opportunity to use the Kryptonite arrow Artemis had stolen from Roy earlier to knock out Superman. When the Kryptonian went down, Conner, Kaldur and Wally dragged him into a supply closet while Dick tied Wonder Woman's legs up with his super strong rope. She too fell to the ground, and while Wally and Conner fought with Red Arrow, the others sprinted through the Hall of Justice, stealing everything of value while singing.

**We're no good, we're no good,  
We're no earthly good  
Like the best of us is no damn good!**

As soon as the other four returned, both Superman and Wonder Woman got back up, and Black Canary, Captain Marvel, and Red Tornado arrived. Red Arrow grinned evilly at the younger kids and stood in front of the door with the other Leaguers.

The problem is their friends!

Zatara yelled, aiming for Wally with a magical attack.

The problem's their insane!

Black Canary insisted, trying to hit Megan with a sonic scream.

The problems are their trends 

Superman suggested, trying to fry Conner with his heat vision.

The problem is their vain!

Wonder Woman grumbled, attempting to lasso Dick.

The problem is their growing

Captain Marvel cried, struggling to catch Kaldur in a windy breath. All of a sudden, the doors blew open and another group of teenagers were standing in the hole they made. Zatanna, Raquel, Jade, Cameron, Barbra, and Garfield, smiled smugly at the off-guard Leaguers. Using a smoke arrow Artemis had lifted off of Red Arrow, the Gang slipped past the League and escaped into a near-by alley way. Only Red Arrow, who was expecting this managed to follow

_The problem's their not alone_

Red Arrow snarled, as he realized that the entire gang had surrounded him.

**Arrow, we've got problems of our own!  
Gee, Mister Red Arrow, we're down on ground,**

The Gang sang joyously to him, twisting towards him and grabbing away all of his weapons.

**'Cause no one wants to lose the girl they've only just found**

Cam soloed, pulling Artemis close into his side. Then the entire group came back in.

**Gee, Mister Red Arrow, What are we to do?**

Jade slipped up behind the hero and knocked him off his feet. Then the whole group crowed around his dazed face.

**Hey, Mister Red Arrow!  
SCREW YOU!**

"Nighty night sucker!" Artemis smirked, before kicking him sharply in the temples. The last thing Red Arrow heard before slipping into unconsciousness, (And the first thing he heard when he woke up in nothing but his boxers,) was the annoying cackling of Dick Greyson. Zatanna and Barbra hugged Dick, who presented them with the jewelry he had stolen earlier, Megan and Conner embraced, Kaldur held Raquel's hand, Artemis and Cam kissed quickly, Wally hoisted Garfield onto his shoulders, and Jade took a few picture of the nearly naked Red Arrow with the camera she had just stolen. All in all, it had been a good night.


	2. Cell Block Tango

**Hey guys! So some of you asked for more twisted musicals so instead of a one shot, we have decided to expand it into a house of YJ style musicals! :D This one is fairly more cracky then the West Side Story one, but we hope you enjoy! :D**

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Tim Drake followed his brother as close as he dared. Jason Todd was walking ahead of him, head held high, like he owned the place. (Technically, in a few years he would). Arkham Asylum was a dingy gray place and Tim was pretty sure he was gonna shit himself. Bruce had asked him to check in on a few… 'friends' of his, and Jason had answered for the both of them. Jason only wanted to go because he thought the blonde was hot… This of course didn't work out well for Tim. He had brought his camera though, with only slight pushing from Jason; he didn't want to know what Jason wanted it for.

When they got to the front desk, they were assigned a warden named Roy Harper to take them to Bruce's friends. They walked quietly through the halls, Roy intent on ignoring their existence, until they reached the Rec. room. Inside were six women all sitting around a poker table. Straight away you could see the blonde Jason liked; she was the one with the most chips piled around her cards. Roy coughed twice to get their attention; Tim rather wished he hadn't. If he had been pretty sure he was gonna shit himself before, now it was imminent. Each girl shot deathly glares at the three boys.

"What the fuck do you want Harper?" Jason's crush spat.

"Visitors Crock. Now say hello." The black haired girl turned towards them and grinned evilly.

"Scarf!" Tim swallowed thickly. The red head with blue eyes turned back to her cards.

"Bat!" The darker skinned brunette saluted the two boys mockingly.

"Squish!" The pale faced red head looked at them pleadingly, looking as if she were about to cry.

"Uh Uh" Jason's crush fluttered her eyelashes.

"Arrow" Finally the youngest one, a blonde with thick muscles fingered them.

"Harper!"

"And now the 6 _merry_ murderess' of the Arkham Asylum jail. Are you going to introduce yourselves?" The girls growled in unison at the warden. He sighed and rubbed his eyes before indicating each girl. "Zatanna, Barbara, Raquel, Megan, Artemis and Cassie. Have fun." Roy turned to walk out before stopping and turning back. "And ladies, don't kill them. They would be missed by someone I'm sure." Tim clutched his camera in white knuckled hands trying to keep himself from fainting at the warden's words. Jason was unfazed and as soon as the warden had left, he slid up to Artemis and slung an arm around her shoulder.

"SO what you in for gorgeous?" The murderess', who had gone back to their game, looked surprised at his gall. It didn't last long though, and soon they were glaring again.

"Wouldn't you like to know junior."

"Ooooh." Barbra deadpanned throwing a few chips in the middle of the table.

"What? I'm a curious guy… about a lot of things." He said waggling his eyebrows. Raquel threw a handful chips at him and Artemis twisted his wrist to get his arm off her. "Hey!"

"You really want to know?" Cassie asked in a low sinister voice. Tim shook his head and Jason nodded. Zatanna shrugged.

"Scarf."

"Bat!"

"Squish!"

"Uh Uh"

"Arrow"

"Harper!" Tim's face was white in terror as he hid behind another table in the room. He accidentally hit his camera button, causing it to flash and take a picture. All six female's whipped their heads around to where he was hiding and he sunk lower to the floor. Artemis had aimed one of her poker chips at the stereo and music began to waft through the room. Then, turning back to their game nonchalantly, they started singing.

"He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it" Then Artemis turned to face them.

"I betcha you would have done the same!"

"Scarf!"

"Bat!"

"Squish!"

"Uh Uh."

"Arrow"

"Harper!"

Zatanna rose from her chair causing Tim to scramble backwards and Jason to lean forward with interest.

"You know how people have these little habits that get you down. Like Wally.

Wally like to eat… Food.

No, not eat. SCARF.

So I came home this one day

And I am really pissed off, and I'm looking for a little bit of sympathy,

And there's Wally sittin' on the couch, watchin' TV, and eatin'.

No, not eatin'.

Scarf-in'. So, I said to him,

I said, "You SCARF that food any louder..."

And he did.

So I took my wand out of my hat

And I fired two warning spells...

...into his head." Tim's eye's widened comically and Jason gave a bark like laugh. Zatanna sat back down and the girls, who were still playing, started to sing again.

"He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have heard it

I betcha you would

Have done the same!" Now Barbra pushed her chair away from the table but stayed seated, making Jason lean towards her. She smirked at his interest and flipped her hair down her back. She propped her feet on the table, causing groans to arise, and leaned backwards.

"I met Dick John Grayson-Wayne from Gotham City about eight years ago

And he told me he was single and we hit it off right away.

So, we started living together.

Before he went out for dinner I'd fix him a drink, he'd come home, we'd have dinner.

And then I found out,

"Single" he told me?

Single, my ass. Not only did he have _nine _wives,

...oh, no, he had five husbands.

One of those Bats, you know. So that night, before he left for work

I fixed him his drink as usual.

You know, some guys just can't hold their cobra venom." Tim jumped and hit his head on the table as Zatanna, Barbara, Raquel and Cassie started singing again. His finger set off his camera and the light nearly blinded him under the table.

"Hah! He had it coming

He had it coming

He took a hero

In her prime

And then he used her

And he abused her

It was a murder

But not a crime!" Artemis and Megan, who were the only two still playing at that moment, picked up next.

"Scarf, bat, squish, uh-uh, Arrow, Harper" Barbara slid her chair back in and turned her head to her cards. Raquel whipped her head around quickly, finding Tim's eyes and growled at him.

"Now, I'm standing in the kitchen

Minding my own business,

Cooking up the puffer fish for dinner,

And in storms my husband Kaldur, in a jealous rage.

"You been screwin' the Guardian,"

He says. He was crazy and he just kept screamin',

"You been screwin the Guardian."

And then he ran into my gun.

He ran into my gun ten times!" Jason cocked his head and raised his hand with a smirk on his face. He had taken a break from trying to claim Artemis' attention and looked at Raquel expectantly.

"Did you shoot it?" Raquel stared down the cocky boy.

"Would I be here if I hadn't?" Tim snapped a quick picture of the glaring brunette before ducking back under his table to hide from her glare. Every single female in the room dropped what they were doing to look incredulously at the small boy. He nearly lost his lunch as they admonished him.

"H-how could you do it?"

"If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha you would have done the same!" They went back to their game and were silent for a while. Jason poked Megan in the shoulder.

"What about you Megalious?" She looked at him for a second before jumping up and grabbing his shirt collar. The girls erupted into peals of laughter at Jason's terrified face. Megan started shaking Jason, her words coming out fast and without pause… Not like he could've understood them anyways.

"Katchhhhaa, s'nomoth… K'azzar Connor? N'da M'arzz... Ah'lunzz… s'sess b'rakahzz… Hw'asheta!  
Kifaya! Idrab nar! Sahibit il galala tureadahoo hayan! Mat khalee-homshee yih-raboo!" Jason looked more confused than terrified now. Artemis leaned over to whisper to Barbra as Zatanna spoke.

"Do you know what language she's speaking?" Barbara shrugged.

"I think it's Martian." Jason looked at the cold red head from across the table.

"Martian?" Zatanna slid a finger across her throat, telling him to shut up. He complied quickly.

"So did you do it?" Every head turned toward Megan. Tim came out from under his table and looked through his camera before snapping a picture.

"UH UH, not guilty!" Megan yelled. Jason had returned to bothering Artemis, so when she suddenly jumped to her feet he fell over as Tim took advantage of Jason's expression and took a picture. The others starting snickering as she explained why she was there.

"My sister, Jade-Nyugen and I had this double act and my husband, Cameron, traveled around with us.

Now, for the last number in our act, we did 20 acrobatic tricks; one two three four, five...splits, spread eagles, back flips, flip flops, one right after the other.

Well, this one night we were in the hotel bar, the three of us, boozin' and having' a few laughs and we ran out of ice. So I went out to get some.

I come back, open the door and there's Jade Nyugen and Cameron doing Number Seventeen-

The spread eagle. Well, I was in such a state of shock, I completely blacked out. I can't remember a thing. It wasn't until later when I was washing the blood off my bow I even knew they were dead."

Now it was Jason's turn to swallow and slowly scoot away from the demonic looking blonde towering over him. The others started humming while she advanced on him.

"They had it coming

They had it coming

They had it coming all along

I didn't do it

But if I'd done it

How could you tell me that I was wrong?" Artemis finished with a flourish as the others joined her in singing.

"They had it coming

They had it coming

They took a hero in her prime

And then they used her

And they abused her

It was a murder but not a crime!" Cassie stood quickly, causing her chair to fly behind her and Tim to shriek in surprise. She slammed her hands down on the table and leaned over it to look at Jason who was still cowering beneath Artemis. The voice that came from her lips sounded hurt and soft; the exact opposite of her demeanor, causing Jason and Tim to become very confused.

"I loved Red Harper more than I can possibly say.

He was a military guy... explosive... a sniper.

But he was always trying to find himself a target.

He'd go out every night looking for himself and on the way he found Susie… Greta…. Stephanie… and Garfield. I guess you can say we broke up because of opinion differences.

He thought himself as alive

and I knew him dead." Cassie finished with a feral grin as the other girls stood and started singing in unison.

"The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum." Zatanna, Barbara and Cassie kept singing while the other three faded out.

"They had it comin'" The other three came back in and the two groups of girls began to alternate.

"They had it comin'"

"They had it comin'"

"They had it comin' all along." All six girls chimed in again, each of them adding their distinct voice to the mix.

"'Cause if they used us and they abused us

How could you tell us that we were wrong?" Tim had moved out from under his table to sit in a chair. His camera was held to his face like a pair of binoculars and he seemed to have forgotten his terror for a few moments. He took pictures quickly and without pause though the girls paid him no mind.

"He had it coming

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame.

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

I betcha You would Have done The same!" The girls began to go back to their game one by one.

"You scarf that food any louder…" Jason began making peanut gallery type comments.

"We'll be quiet, we promise."

"Single my ass."

"And it is a gorgeous ass."

"Ten times!"

"Hey, it could've been twelve."

"Miert csukott Uncle J'ohnn bortonbe."

"Uh…. Sure sweet heart."

"Number seventeen-the spread eagle."

"You can spread eagle with me _anytime." _Artemis slapped his cheek as she made her way to the table.

"Opinion differences."

"Whatever that means. You terrify me." Jason watched them play the last round of their poker game.

"Well that was informative." He commented and Tim snapped a picture. The girls rolled their eyes and said their catch phrases.

"Scarf"

"Bat!"

"Squish!"

"Uh Uh"

"Arrow"

"Harper!" The girls were counting their chips and the boys didn't know what to do, so they just watched. After saying their totals Artemis grinned wolfishly.

"I win. Looks like I won't be washing dishes for a month!" She gloated. The others scrutinized her.

"You never win." Zatanna pointed out jumping to her feet.

"Yeah, you suck at poker!" Cassie exclaimed standing up.

"You cheated you dirty rat!" Barbara accused as she and the others rose from their seats. Artemis wore a look of fake hurt and remained in her chair.

"You bitch!" Raquel snarled.

"I'm hurt. But where's your proof?" She smirked.

"D'anta tista marzul'ana." Megan murmured darkly, tackling Artemis out of her seat. The others quickly joined the fight. Tim took a picture while Jason looked thoroughly entertained as an alarm went off. Roy dashed back into the room with a few other guards.

"Alright, get out of my prison." Roy said to the two boys. Neither moved. "Before they realize your still here." He ground out slowly.

"Eep!" Tim said shrilly before running out of the room, his camera in hand. Jason moved to follow his little brother after handing Roy a slip of paper.

"Give Artemis my phone number would ya?" He winked and saluted and left the red head to break up the cat fight.


End file.
